Monday, January 08, 2007

i feel horrible. this is my all time low low low. i had a talk with denise on saturday. and it left me thinking. and i've come to a conclusion that i hate my life. i hate every miserable aspect of my life. i need to rant.

i hate the waking up of every single day to see the same old surroundings.
i hate it that i have no freedom.
i hate school.
i hate to see my mother's look of disdain every time i step home.
i hate the slamming of doors and caustic words.
i hate my room with its cheery pink wall-paper. its not me at all. if i were a colour i'd be grey. indifferent. numb. cold.
i hate the the utter stillness of the night. just makes me want to scream.
i hate the fact that i have to hide behind a heavy veil of smiles and laughter to mask my many insecurities.

what i would really love to do is just curl up into a tight ball and have a good cry.